«Mall Scavenger Hunt Encounter»

Sunday my roommate and I were wandering around the mall with a lack of anything better to do. I was dressed as I always am, temperature permitting: in a black trench coat.

As we were approaching the food court, a group of people approached us. They said something about a scavenger hunt and were looking for someone in a trench coat. I figured they were on one of those hunts local radio channels do sometimes, with a cash prize for the person who finds the goal. I was just about to say that I didn't know of any such contest and wish them good luck on their hunt... However, once they had our attention they started proselytizing... "Have you heard about the word of God?"

They were dressed normally, not in suits and ties or anything. You've got to admit, it's a creative way to get someone's attention. Pick out a unique feature and tell them you've been looking for someone like that. My roommate told them we're in the state if Idaho, it would be hard NOT to hear about God. I didn't think to ask them what sect of Christianity they represented. I let them go on their scripted speech for a few moments, then told them I was an atheist.

Oh but they had a plan for that, too. One of the guys claimed he was an atheist before he saw the light. I asked him, out of actual curiosity now, what caused him to convert? The story that ensued was a cliche disappointment.

He told me was a member of a band and did heavy drugs trying to fill the void in his heart. He tells me one day he was trippin' hard on LSD and had a spiritual experience. It was like nothing else he'd ever seen. God himself came down and straitened him out. My roommate interjected "that must have been a hell of a trip." Everyone else laughed, the guy seemed a little annoyed.

So why the church doesn't distribute LSD to the masses to bring them closer to God I don't know. That THC Ministry in Amsterdam might have the right idea after all. But how convincing is that really? Some guy has a crazy LSD trip and that's suppose to convince me there's a God? The human brain does some crazy shit when chemicals are imbalanced. Out-of-body experiences, feelings of euphoria, all sorts of unexplainable feelings when the brain is trying to make sense of what's happening.

Why is it that every ex-atheist conversion story involves a band, drugs, and women? Rhetorical question. It's because they want to convey atheists as these immoral, selfish monsters. I myself have never tried any illegal drugs. No LSD, no marijuana... I don't even have more than one alcoholic drink at a time. I am an upstanding, law-abiding citizen. I'm just an atheist, and because of that I'm somehow immoral?

At this point, I find this whole encounter hilarious. I asked what lead him to Christianity instead of some other religion, like Islam. He went on to say that the tone of the Bible is like a mentor, where the other religious texts are like a dictator. He clearly had no knowledge of the Koran. He was very quick to distance himself from Islam, seeing as how demonized it has become in American culture. He then went off on some tangent about creativity and that I needed God to fully realize my true potential.

I don't believe the guy really ever was an atheist. It's just a story they came up with to try to relate to any atheists they come across. They failed. Miserably. Even if the guy was an atheist at one time, It wasn't for the right reasons.