Sunday, March 1, 2009

«Ten Signs You're an Unquestioning, Fundamentalist Christian»

Some or all of these may apply to you.

  1. You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of your God.
  2. You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.
  3. You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Trinity God.
  4. Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and animals.
  5. You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.
  6. You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (4.55 billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by prehistoric tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.
  7. You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs - though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend eternity in an infinite hell of suffering. Yet, you consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."
  8. While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.
  9. You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% failure was simply the will of God.
  10. You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.1

And yes, I've seen the modified version of this that addresses atheists as well.

1: To give you credit Looney, this last one does not apply to you.


  1. WOW!!! Well said, and put together. I'm proud of you!

    I was brought up on that stuff and amazed how much I don't know, but I think it's because they didn't want us knowing much. I stopped askin' questions in grade three catechism, 'cause the priest reprimanded me for asking him questions he wasn't able to answer.

    So, what he did was embarrass me at my first communion testing in front of my dad and another girl's family. The drive home was awful as my dad yelled at me the whole way home, and refused to speak to me for about a week. Religion lost its credibility at the ripe age of nine. I haven't looked back since.

    It's all tactics to brainwash and control everyone. I find it unnerving how people blindly believe and follow their bizarre claims. [°ֻ°]

    Oh, hey, I posted a tidbit of you as a demon. I've been havin' life interferences so I'm still workin' on it. Since the beginning of January (when I realized) someone's been impersonating me--victim of identity theft. The bastards somehow got my social insurance number and my driver's licence number. I have no idea how they got it. [Ŋ¸Ŋ]

    Talk about a run around to get this cleared up! It's gonna be awhile.

  2. Good list. I have probably committed most of the crimes at one time or another. Your point 10 is sadly quite true.

    Regarding point 9, I just had a nasty three dimensional modeling issue that hung me for two months in a section of about 10,000 lines of code. I prayed to the Lord that he would help me find the problem. He directed me to some of my original mathematical derivations and a vector of derivatives that I had incorrectly normalized. A fix and the method was working beautifully. Don't know if my success rate is better than 0.01% on prayer, but it is my general observation that my prayers regarding software development and physics are answered.

    Then there is a small detail regarding point 3: In 25 years of my high tech career, I have met countless ph.d's, but never met a scientist. I haven't seen any evidence that they exist.

  3. @ Berni: Don't be that proud of me for the list. I found it elsewhere, I just corrected a few spelling and grammatical errors.

    I'm sorry you have such a bitter run-in regarding religion. In that way I was "blessed" with understanding parents.

    Yes, I agree with you completely; religion is a method of control. They use brainwashing tactics and use the fear of hell against you.

    Yeah, I saw the drawing. I love it so far. Like I said before, I'm not at all trying to rush you. Take care of what you need to IRL.

    Could it have been a previous employer or someone that saw your application? I've always thought it was wrong to put your SSN on an application. You shouldn't have to provide it until you actually get the job.

    @ Looney: Well, it's not necessarily a list of "crimes". It's no crime to believe whatever you want to believe.

    So the answer finally came to you. You decided to check some of your original code. I've had similar experiences without praying. A lot of the time it'll come to me when I'm not really thinking about it.

    I think you meant point 2 for the scientist thing. All humans have ambitions and none are perfect. To me, it seems your definition of scientist is outside what is humanly possible. All bias inaccuracies are corrected eventually; for there will be different scientists with different ambitions checking their work. As the evidence builds up, there will be less "wiggle room" for inaccuracies.

  4. Great list marf - It's so good I am going to post it also on my blog and give you a link back for it.

    Looney fails to find scientists because he defines them in a way which makes sure he can never find one. Dontcha just love arguing with Chistians - slippery or what?

  5. @ Bunc: Oh, I imagine Looney sees us as slippery as well. After all, we don't seem to follow any preset doctrine. We change our view of the world in light of new strong scientific evidence.

  6. @Marf - I actually think atheists are fairly straight forward and easier to work with because you know where they stand. The slippery ones are the modernist theologians who want to form a religious/atheist hybrid and then set themselves up as the arbitrators of secular standards.

    @Bunc - Have you considered that the notion of the "scientist" performs a role that is essentially that of a virtual pope? The pope actually exists, but the scientist - who is likewise infallible - is a virtual concept.

  7. Ha! I love this list, and I'm Christian!

    And thanks for saying "Fundamentalist Christian" over just plain "Christian"
    Some people don't see the difference

  8. @ Anonymous (#7): Oh, yes. There is a huge difference between the common followers of a religion and their fundamentalist counterparts.


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