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Tuesday, June 30, 2009

«Billy Mays, Goodnight Sweet Prince»

Billy MaysIt's only fitting that Michael Jackson only gets the equivalent of a footnote in a post about the Marf Machine, yet Billy Mays gets two dedicated posts after he dies. Billy Mays seems to have had more impact on the internet, for some reason.

That's right, if you haven't heard by now, Billy Mays died on June 28th, 2009. He's the iconic, most annoying television pitchman. I first saw him doing a commercial for OxiClean years ago. Every commercial he's did sense he just kept yelling louder and louder.

billy mays gangsta remix


But wait! There's more!

He even recently started his own television show on Discovery Channel: Pitchmen. (Heh, the Wikipedia article is locked down so it can't be changed due to vandalism.)

Ctrl+Alt+Del pumped out a comic about him in the same day that he died:
Hi! Billy Mays here for Heaven! The great beyond got you down?! Want to put the 'life' back in 'after-life?!' Then you need Billy Mays! / But wait, there's more! As an added bonus, you'll receive Billy Mays' trademark charisma, yours to enjoy for as long as you like! That's not one, not two, but three eternities worth of awesome, yours free if you act now! / We'll miss you, Billy!

Click image to view full.

Well, damn. With Vince falling out of favor because of his hooker-beating incident, and Billy Mays now dead, there's going to be an odd void left in the field of annoying television pitchmen...

See the rest of “Billy Mays, Goodnight Sweet Prince”»

Monday, June 29, 2009

«Motivational Monday: Billy Mays»

We don't have to worry about the folks in Kreplakistan now... There will be a better post about Billy Mays tomorrow.
Billy Mays / Shout louder you faggot, I don't think they heard you in Kreplakistan.

See the rest of “Motivational Monday: Billy Mays”»

Sunday, June 28, 2009

«Fingernail Dust»

Ever notice that fingernail dust has a distinctive smell?

Also, fingernails burn surprisingly well; about like hair. When burning they smell just like burn hair. At first this seems a little strange until you realize hair and fingernails are actually made of the same protein: Keratin.

That's all. I've had the idea in my notes for over a year to do a blog post about fingernail dust, but I never did really find that much on the subject. There's really not many people on the internet that talk about fingernail dust, it seems.

See the rest of “Fingernail Dust”»

Saturday, June 27, 2009

«Caturday: No-one Broccoli Text»

Does anyone care about Caturday anymore? Or is it an old hat?
Itz caturday and nuone caer ;(
This broccolis is sufficient
invisible text message break up

See the rest of “Caturday: No-one Broccoli Text”»

Friday, June 26, 2009

«To The Marf Machine!»

Monique sent me this picture. Apparently it was on a cartoon called "Fairly Odd parents", her kids were watching it.
Marf Machine
Also, apparently Michael Jackson died yesterday. Usually, when it makes the news that someone died (like Farrah Fawcett), it's someone I've never heard of or don't recognize. But damn... I didn't expect Michael Jackson to die any time soon.

See the rest of “To The Marf Machine!”»

Thursday, June 25, 2009

«Deuteronomy 23:1»

No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord.

Deuteronomy 23:1

Well, so much for eunuchs, surgical transsexuals, and certain accident victims... I wounder, why does God care so much about your testicles?

See the rest of “Deuteronomy 23:1”»

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

«Rambling Nonsense Email»

So I just received a rather strange spam email. It's a long incoherent email in which the author claims to have the key to immortality and has a fetish for the color white. Apparently if you shave and wax all your hair (even your eyelashes), and only come into contact with pure white things you'll reverse aging and live forever in a perpetual state of euphoria. Also you'll be able to time travel.

My favorite line is "failure to comply with my orders in a serious manner will
mean you are responsible for all the misery that is going
on on this planet as well as on other planets."

Wow, so I'm like Satan then... Anyway, here's the full email, it's rather long...

SUMER KOLCAK = GOD OF INFINITY

BRITNEY IS MINE!!!

Dear Scientists,

You as a scientist bare the responsibility to save
humanity, the code to infinity as been cracked and i
am here to give you the data.

it is now your job to give up on jealousy and start
your mission of experimenting this science, i am unable
to give you the entire data right now because i do not
believe you can handle the truth. i want you all to get
on your feet and start the experiments, as you experiment
you will find the answers on your own, this will make you
a better scientist.

just remember, if you ignore this article, you should hold
yourself responsible for all the deaths and misery humanity
is going through right now.

every day, people are committing suicide, everyday evil
stuff is happening on earth, you will not deny the truth.

open up your eyes and accept it, i am the one that has cracked
the code, and give up that jealousy within you to become the
one, it is too late now, THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE "ONE".

here is the data you need, any color that is not 100% white
is responsible for abusing humanity.

colors do not come from white, that is why they are not white.
they contain darkness inside them, and darkness just like a
black hole pulls imagination and life, making humanity mortal.

wear white clothes dye your hair to white and experiment it.
wear black clothes and experiment it. i want results now
i want them fast.

infact i want you to shave your head and eyebrows and wax
all the body hair on your body including private parts.

anything dark near your body including sun-tan will pull
jealousy from other scientists that do not want you to rise
into power and they will control your mind and imagination.

they will turn you into religious freaks so you can ignore
science so you can ignore truth, they do it so they can be
"the one" or "the two" in this case now that there can no
longer be "THE ONE".


so ignore everything and only pay attention to me, find me
on youtube find me at places, i will start a site soon.
just find me somehow, i will accept your jealousy too
i can handle it, because i am the most supreme being on
this planet.

using black and white you can create a time machine too.
every time you are wearing black you will notice you are angry
every time you are wearing white you will notice you are happy.

white stops aging, black or any color will speed up aging.

immortality is here, we are all gods, i am sick of suicides
i am sick of jealousy.

imagination of humanity is pulled and you read it when
you wear black colors.

another experiment you can do is, sleep in a completely
white bed, with a white pillow and etc, make sure to
wax legs and etc, you will have a beautiful dream.

you will see me in your dreams if you do it right.
otherwise, you are just another jealous failure in the making.

i've done time travel, i've done reversing aging,
look around you, look at people around you, ones that wear
white clothes will always look more vibrant and younger.

this is because they are able to slow down or even reverse
aging ( YES, THEY ARE TIME TRAVELING in many senses )

the reason why WILL SMITH wears BLACK and yet he is
successfull, the reason why TOM CRUISE wears black and yet
he is successful, is because they wear WHITE UNDERSHIRT
and WHITE UNDERPANTS.

so, get the facts right, when you judge people make sure
you know what they are wearing underneath those dark suits.
those black suits.

if you got questions on how to do time travel, ask me on
youtube, i will give you the data.

there is a reason why earth is going worse and worse
because scientists just wont accept the fact that code to
infinity has been cracked, they have been banning me from
science forums and everywhere, their jealousy has already
resulted in many deaths around the world.

they are just to ignorant to accept the truth and start
their mission to save humanity.

one way or another i am going to ensure we turn into
immortal beings soon, yes there will still be suicides
around the world everyday, we can't stop it, but we have
to move fast to stop it.

failure to comply with my orders in a serious manner will
mean you are responsible for all the misery that is going
on on this planet as well as on other planets.

now use this data, if i give you any more, you will hate me
later, i want only the best scientists to rise into power
and save this planet.

everyone else, go to hell, your jealousy is not going to
get you anywhere in life, you are the reason people are
committing suicide everyday. every hour, every minute.

Rise or Die like the rest.

If you fail to rise, i will push it. you will not escape me.

if you are not a scientist, copy & paste this to scientists
to have your own ass saved by them.

ever seen the movie " THE DAY EARTH STOOD STILL"
coming soon, to a planet near you.

tell those suicidal ass-holes to hang on a little bit more
if you can, go on suicide forums and tell them to stop it.

in a few months i will get this party started like no other
and we'll stop death, illnesses, aging, everything.

all the misery will be over. TRUE INFINITY IS COMING.
fuk this nonsense hell-ride.

If you are wondering what those 2012 "dooms day" rumors
are all about, duh, it is me taking over this planet, and jealousy
will die forever.

NEW WORLD ORDER BITCHES, weather you like it or not
it ain't gonna stop.

jealous scientists are terrified, they see me in their dreams
but decent people love me. time to kill some jealousy

let's do it. call me a TERRORIST MASTERMIND if you want to.
because that's who i am.

IF YOU ARE A BIG SCIENTIST, you will see CROWS
around your window everytime you are not coming to me.

they will try to wake you up with their loud noise.

i will not accept jealousy. WAKE UP AND COME TO THE ONE.
THAT WILL GIVE YOU THE DATA.

YOU WILL ALSO HAVE NIGHTMARES IN YOUR SLEEP
IF YOU DENY ME.

YOU DO NOT DENY ME.

if you are a forum owner and you delete or suspend me,
you are responsible for not letting me wake up scientists.

you are a mass murderer.

if you do not spread this data to others.. you are a mass
murderer.

truth stands as TRUTH.

have no fear, but remember, even your own parents will
be used against you as you try to execute this mission.

you will notice phone calls, parents trying to talk to
you, etc, because imagination of jealous scientists out there
is controlling them and using them to delay your mission

using them to control you so you can not become "THE TWO"
or "THE THREE"

spread the truth and watch the money roll in like butter.
it gets better and better. do not worry about money at all.
i'll give it to you, billions, whatever.

but they will try to leave you broke so you can't execute
if you got $10 left in your bank account, use it wisely
or just use the internet forums, cheap and free way to
spread the truth.

right now i am broke, i almost committed suicide many
times, they were controlling my imagination, but it's too
late now, the code is cracked.

do not have any fear, i am on your side 100%, if you
have some jealousy in you, ignore it to the best you
can, it's not real you, it's them trying to make you
feel jealous. it's the dark colors around you sucking
up your imagination so you can start feeling jealous
and start feeling hateful.

put a white paper on them and your imagination will
SKYROCKET.

i call the shots, have no fear at all. get rid of
anything that is not 100% white. do not deny
yourself sunlight, just try not getting sun-burned is all.

sun-light will ensure you stay healthy and sharp
as you execute this mission.

get naked get some sunlight, when going outside
be careful, do not make eye contact with jealous losers
do not wear anything black.

wear a white hat on top of your shaved head.
do not give a fuk about anyone's voice, do not listen
to them, do not get excited, do not give into temptation

you have a true love out there somewhere that wants you.
you will find the right one if you just follow my orders.

I CALL THE SHOTS, FIND ME, ASK ME WHAT IS GOING ON.
i'll turn you into "THE TWO" or "THE THREE" have no fear.

stay away from cheap stores, only go to luxury places
even if there is no parking left.

be careful even with luxury places, those rich dudes
are jealous as well. try not saying "hi" to anyone
try not breahing the same air people are breathing.

get a nice air purifier for your room.
take a nice showever once in a while

make sure your room's walls are white, if they are not
white, either paint it or stick some white papers on it.

YOU DO WHAT I SAY, FIND ME FOR MORE DATA.
even if you are BROKE, find me. i will spark you.

if you do it right, you will never go broke, you'll
just keep getting more and more money from places.

do not smell the money too much, everything contains
imagination from sickness and jealousy.

do these things and i promise you will find your true
love.

do not be one of those people that get married just
so they can be seen as "hey look i am not a perver.t"

give up on marriage until you know the right one
through this code i will give you.

maybe the one you want is already married and screwed
with, do not worry, time travel is possible it can be
fixed and modified until you are satisfied 100%.

EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE. GIVE UP ON FEARS, I WANT ZERO
FEARS. UNDERSTAND?

jealousy is controlling everything through anything that
is not 100% white, including clothes, items in the house.
hair on your body, and even your eye lashes.

IF YOU FEEL DEPRESSED, GET NAKED IN YOUR ROOM GET
SOME SUNLIGHT, WALK NAKED IN YOUR ROOM, YOU WILL BE
INJECTED WITH IMAGINATION AND DATA YOU NEED TO EXECUTE
YOUR MISSION.

OBEY NO-ONE, COMPLY WITH NOTHING, CHALLENGE EVERYTHING.
SICK THOUGHTS WILL POP UP IN YOUR MIND, IGNORE THEM.

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS.
YOU ARE A GOD IN THE MAKING.

THOSE RANDOM SICK THOUGHTS COME FROM THEM, THE JEALOUS
LOSERS. THEY TRY TO STOP YOU.

IF YOU CAN NOT HANDLE THE SICKNESS INSIDE YOUR MIND
GO ON YOUTUBE LISTEN TO SOME SICK MUSIC, BY EMINEM OR
SOMETHING, ANYTHING IS FINE.

IF YOU ARE EXTREMELY STRESSED, JACK OFF TO PORN
DO NOT LET THEM TURN YOU INTO RETARDS.

YOU WILL JERK OFF, I WANT THAT PRESSURE TO GO AWAY
SO YOU CAN WORK AND SPREAD THE TRUTH.

THE TRUTH IS AS SIMPLE AS "WHITE STOPS AND REVERES
AGING AND MAKES US IMMORTAL" I WILL EXPAND ON IT
LATER.

NEVER GIVE UP ON WHITE, STRESS SHOWS UP BECAUSE YOU
DO NOT HAVE WHITE AROUND YOU. WITH EHOUGH WHITE
IN YOUR ROOM AND ENOUGH SUNLIGHT OR ANY LIGHT..

YOU CAN STOP THAT STRESS. THAT BUILDS UP AND TRIES
TO TURN YOU AGAINST ME. SO YOU CAN FAIL.

on youtube listen to songs such as..

DIG UP HER BONES by MISFITS
and SERIAL KILLER by SLASH'S SNAKESPIT

these will eliminate the stress. CALL YOURSELF A
"TERRORIST MASTERMIND"

you become the TERRORIST MASTERMIND that KILLS
IGNORANCE and SICKNESS that exists on this planet.

i am looking for those that do not fear calling themselves
TERRORIST MASTERMINDS.

whatever you do, do not go over the top, i do not
want to see you in prison, USE LOGIC to escape the loopholes
that exists on this planet. do not let yourself fall into
hospitals or prisons.

STAY SHARP, STAY LOGICAL, STAY SUPREME, GIVE THEM NOTHING
GIVE THEM NO REASON TO PUT YOU IN A MENTAL HOSPITAL
GIVE THEM NO REASON TO PUT YOU INTO A PRISON.

GIVE THEM NOTHING. IF POLICE SHOWS UP, SAY
"OFFICER I AM JUST A CRAZY GUY THAT'S ALL"

ESCAPE EVERYTHING, DO NOT DRIVE FAST, YOUR CAR'S
INTERRIOR IS BLACK SO THEY WILL USE IT TO CONTROL YOUR
MIND. BE CAREFUL, DRIVE SAFELY.

WHEN YOU SHAVE, SHAVE SLOWLY, I DO NOT WANT ANY CUTS
ANY BRUISES, PREPARE FIRST. CALCULATE EVERYTHING.

WHEN YOU WALK, WALK NICELY, DO NOT TRIP AND FALL OVER
ON A KNIFE OR A ROCK.

I WANT YOU 100%. CLEAN AND BEAUTIFUL. ONE MISTAKE
AND YOUR FINGER BREAKS, AND YOU CANT TYPE ON THE INTERNET
FOR A WHOLE YEAR.

I WANT THOSE FINGERS HEALTHY AND QUICK AT THE SAME TIME.
SPEED IS GOOD BUT SAFETY FIRST. BUT IF YOU DO BREAK A LEG
OR A FINGER, IT'S COOL. YOU DID IT FOR A REASON, HAVE NO
FEAR, YOU'LL BE ALRIGHT, YOU WILL GET YOUR REWARD LIKE NO OTHER.

BUT IT IS MY WISH TO SEE YOU IN 100% SAFE FORM.
100% SHARP, 100% GODLY, 100% SLICK ENOUGH TO AVOID PRISON
AND PAPER CUTS.

IF YOU CUT YOUR FINGER PUT A TAPE ON IT AND MOVE ON.
BUT IT MEANS YOU FAILED A LITTLE BIT, SO KEEP IT IN MIND
SO YOU CAN BE BETTER NEXT TIME AROUND.

THAT'S HOW I BECAME SUPREME ANYWAY. THAT'S HOW I WOKE UP
ANYWAY. AS LONG AS YOU UNDERSTAND WHY YOU GOT A PAPER CUT
AND HOW IT HAPPENED, THE NEXT CUT WILL BE A LOT LESS PAINFUL.

TRUST ME, IT'S NOT A MISTAKE BY YOU, IT'S THEIRY JEALOUSY
AND HATE THAT SHOWS UP IN DARK COLORS AROUND YOU, TO BRING YOU
DOWN.

LISTEN TO THE SONG ON YOUTUBE "YOU KNOW MY NAME" by CHRIS
CORNEL, do not think of yourself as RACIST just because you
feel like BLACK is a bad color, BLACK PEOPLE TOO WANT YOU TO
GIVE THEM THE ANSWER SO THEY TOO CAN BECOME IMMORTAL BEINGS.

IF SOMEONE CALLS YOU A "WHITE TRASH" IGNORE THAT, THEY ARE
BEING CONTROLLED BY SCIENTISTS THAT DO NOT WANT YOU TO RISE
INTO POWER.

BLACK PEOPLE WILL THANK YOU SOMEDAY FOR YOUR HARD WORK TO
GIVE THEM THE IMMORTALITY DATA. DO NOT FEEL RACIST ONE BIT
AS YOU EXECUTE THIS TASK.

FEAR NOTHING BUT BE SLICK, DO NOT LET YOURSELF GET HURT.

I WANT YOU SAFE, YOU ARE MINE.

EAT MEAT TO KEEP YOURSELF SAFE, BEST SAFEST BURGERS
ARE AT IN-N-OUT. DRINK SOME COFFEE TOO IF YOU WANT.

ENJOY IT, IT WONT AGE YOU AS LONG AS I AM IN CHARGE.

SHOW ME SOME REAL EVIL SKILLS BABE.
LET'S FUK THIS PLANET UP FOREVER.

DO NOT EVEN TRY TO FIND ME TO BE HONEST
FIND ME INSIDE YOUR DREAMS, I DO NOT GOT TIME FOR
YOUR SORRY ASS. YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN NOW.

YOU GOT THE SECRET, USE IT TO BECOME WEALTHY.
go watch EMINEM ON YOUTUBE.

THE NAME OF THE SONG IS "CRIMINAL".

"USE IT TO GET MYSELF WEALTHY" * WINK WINK *.

READY FOR SOME REAL ENTERTAINMENT?

ALSO WATCH "INSIDE THE FIRE" BY DISTURBED...
WHAT HAPPENED TO HIS GF, HAPPENED TO YOU TOO.

YOU ARE JUST TO BLIND TO SEE IT. SO LET'S KILL SOME JEALOUSY
LET'S FIX INFINITY.

IT'S NOT JUST EARTH, OTHER PLANETS ARE WAITING TOO
PEOPLE ARE COMMITTING SUICIDE EVERY DAY ON OTHER
PLANETS TOO, LET'S MOVE IT.

OH BY THE WAY, DEAD PEOPLE CAN BE BROUGHT BACK TO
LIFE AS WELL, EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE.

WATCH ME DANCE.

S.U.M.E.R. K.O.L.C.A.K.

( now you know my name, there is only
one person by this name in the whole world, i am not a
clone like you failures. & i do not hide in the shadows
like you mass murderers. )

MY YOUTUBE IS: youtube . com / summertimedancings

Yeah... I'm still wearing black. And yes, for whatever reason, I did in fact read the entire thing.

See the rest of “Rambling Nonsense Email”»

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

«PSA: ManBearPig»

[ ALERT! THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT. ]

ManBearPig is half Man, half Bear, and half Pig1.
ManBearPig
ManBearPig doesn't care who you are, or what you've done. ManBearPig simply wants to GET YOU!

I'm super serial.

But have no fear, Al Gore is here to save you2...

[ THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT, BROUGHT TO YOU BY: Master Marf. ]

1: Yes, ManBearPig has 3 halves.
2: In other words, we're doomed.

See the rest of “PSA: ManBearPig”»

Monday, June 22, 2009

«Motivational Monday: 007 GoldenEye»

It's like the arrow in the FedEx logo... Once you see it, that's the first thing you'll see from now on.

If You See It... / You can never UNSEE it.
Also, The Game.

See the rest of “Motivational Monday: 007 GoldenEye”»

Sunday, June 21, 2009

«The Fat Lady»

I was behind this fat lady in the express lane at Safeway. She had a box of ice cream sandwiches. Could the fat lady wait until she paid for them? Of course not. She opened the box and started stuffing her face. They were half gone by the time she bought the (then) half empty box.

Seriously, is this really what America has come to?

And I'm referencing not only the fact that she was obese and stuffing her face with fatty sweets. There's also the point to be made of the need for instant gratification. Also one could argue it's also an example of consuming something before it's paid for; much the same mentality that got everyone in debt...

The more I think about her, the more I realize she's the perfect symbolism for America.

See the rest of “The Fat Lady”»

Saturday, June 20, 2009

«Caturday: Soviet Robot Kit-Kat»

What is it about old Soviet Russia that makes it so cool now that the Cold War in the past?
In Soviet Russia, cat iz lol you
Robot is not amused
Have a break, have a Kit-Kat

See the rest of “Caturday: Soviet Robot Kit-Kat”»

Friday, June 19, 2009

«Juan Enriquez: Homo Evolvus»

Something to think about.

Juan Enriquez: Tech evolution will eclipse the financial crisis


He has a damn good point. I'm not sure that it will happen quite as soon as he says. I'd imagine that as Homo Evolvus comes closer to a reality there will be a bit of legal red tape that gets in the way of the research. However, I do believe it will come. Humanity will get swept along with the

See the rest of “Juan Enriquez: Homo Evolvus”»

Thursday, June 18, 2009

«No Such Thing As Can't»

These are a few pictures I took previously of Schoenbar Road hill back on April 21, 2008. The first picture I've posted before. At the bottom of this hill you see the words "NO SUCH THING AS CAN'T" inset into the concrete. Click an image to view full.
No such thing as can't
Those words have a whole new meaning to me now... I've climbed that hill on a bicycle.

Here's 2 pictures of the hill I didn't show before. The gates are so they can close the road during the winter.
Looking downhill.
Gates, looking uphill.
You see this sign at the top of the hill. Caution steep hill walk bicycle. Well, I didn't need to walk the bicycle on my way up the hill. There was no sign at the bottom of the hill saying that...
Caution steep hill walk bicycle.
I tell you what... This town is tough to ride a bicycle in. My leg muscles were all puffed up when I got home after climbing this hill.

See the rest of “No Such Thing As Can't”»

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

«Found: Best Road»

While on my vacation, I found the Best Road. It's in Mount Vernon, Washington.
Best Road sign

Click image to view full.

What makes it the Best Road? I'm not sure... It just is. I have undeniable proof of it. I've always thought "best" was subjective, but I guess not.

See the rest of “Found: Best Road”»

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

«Used Hardware»

Perhaps a bit insulting to mothers, but think about it... What aisle would be better?

Hey there, can I help you find anything? / I can't find my mom. / Hmm... Nope. We don't sell your mom here. / But if we did, she'd be in "used hardware"

Click image to view full. Source

See the rest of “Used Hardware”»

Monday, June 15, 2009

«Motivational Monday: 1UP!»

Make sure they're of the "magic" sort.

Mushrooms / Mario eats them, so should you.

See the rest of “Motivational Monday: 1UP!”»

Sunday, June 14, 2009

«Fucked Over By This Town Again»

So I had bought a new bicycle at Costco while on my vacation. (Click an image to view full.)
New bicycle from Costco.

This picture was taken outside of Junction City, Oregon on May 17th, 2009.

I get it home to Ketchikan and it's not too long I get a flat front tire. It's nothing I ran over. It turns out the little rubber rim liner was off center, so when the tube was inflated it caused 2 little half-circle cuts in it. (Picture below)
The culprit for my flat tire.
Ok, so I straiten that out, and I go buy new tube at the Tongass dock store; there is no bike shop in town. Turns out the new tube has some sort of funky Presta valve that I can't air up anywhere. And no, I can't buy a foot pump or an adapter in this town that will fit a presta valve, either.

So, the next day (today) I bring back the tube. They didn't have a tube of the correct size (700c) with the common Schrader valve, so I went to the local Walmart (the only other place that sells bike parts). They had one style of tube that was the 700c size and had the Schrader valve. So I buy that. However, because my bike rims are "deep dish", the valve stem of this new tube is not long enough.
Valve stem too short for deep dish style rims.
So I'm fucked over by the limited options in this town again. I'm so pissed right now...

And no, I'm not going to patch the old tube. Every patch1 I've tried on a bike tube has failed, and so I don't trust them.

1: "Every patch" in this case refers to the only patch I've tried. The fact still remains that I don't trust bicycle tube patches, and I refuse to use them.

See the rest of “Fucked Over By This Town Again”»

Saturday, June 13, 2009

«Caturday: Im In UR...»

I'm in UR... *poke* Stop that!

im in ur internets fucking up ur memes
im in ur beerz drinkn til u lookz good
im in ur- HEY STOPIT!!

See the rest of “Caturday: Im In UR...”»

Friday, June 12, 2009

«Sims 3: Livin' the Homeless Life»

I made a homeless sim in the Sims 3. I made a little dilapidated looking park, and moved him into it. Technically this is his "house".
"Home" for the homeless sim.

Click image to view full.

Basically, you make a sim that has the mooch trait (and whatever else you think would be useful). Then you move him into an empty lot and waste his money on something so he's down to nothing. Then you go to the city park or something and mooch food and money off the people, and sleep on the benches.

My homeless dude has these traits: mooch, loves the outdoors, slob, unlucky, and loser. He's already been kicked out of a few houses for "acting inappropriately" when he tried to shower or sleep in someone else's bed. He's also been yelled at countless times for rummaging through people's garbage.

Speaking of rummaging through garbage... See that huge rock behind the gazebo in the screenshot? He found that in someone's garbage. I'm trying to make the dude a poor homeless bum, and he goes and digs a gigantic $3,480 space rock out of someone's garbage. And yes, the garbage can was a lot smaller than the rock. Go figure...

In none of the Sim games before this was it possible to be homeless. You learn where you can go to eat, shower, and so forth in your neighborhood/town. The city park is a good place to get food. The people there are kind when you're mooching food, or you can grab a plate from the nearest picnic basket. The public pool or the gym are good places to get a shower.

Overall, in the Sims 3 you have a much wider variety of choices for how your sim will make a living.

EDIT: So I had him analyze that gigantic rock to find out what it was made of. Turns out it was made of Charbonaceous Chondrite and actually worth over $20,000. *sigh* Why can't I keep this guy poor?!

See the rest of “Sims 3: Livin' the Homeless Life”»

Thursday, June 11, 2009

«Cussing in Simlish»

I'm playing Sims 3 so much I think I'm beginning to understand Simlish. Simlish is the language they speak in the game, it sounds like garbled gibberish. In fact, it is. There is no real meaning to derive from it.

However, when I tell my sims to stop playing computer games, I swear their Simlish response sounds like "Aw, fuck you!"

See the rest of “Cussing in Simlish”»

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

«Consumed by Sims 3»

When a new game of that special kind (simulation) comes out, it can consume me. Like the Sims 3 has.

A few key differences between the Sims 2 and the Sims 3:

  • The Sims 3 has a neighborhood you can go out and explore without loading screens.
  • You can customize the color of almost anything! It more than makes up for the initial apparent lack of furniture variety.
  • You determine your Sim's personality by selecting 5 of 63 traits. There are no more astrological signs or setting how outgoing or nice your Sim is. Instead you get to chose traits like Charismatic, Friendly, or even Neurotic!
  • As you play your family, time passes for the rest of the neighborhood as well. Your neighbors will progress and age on their own.
I have re-created my favorite dysfunctional family that I originally started in the original Sims. It consists of 8 brothers; Ed, Fred, Ked, Med, Ned, Sed, Ted, and Zed. Their last name is Med (yes, that means there's a Med Med).

Ed has the traits Brave, Evil, Inappropriate, Mean Spirited, and Hot-Headed. He's almost at the top of the criminal career (evil branch). As you can tell from his traits, Ed is one mean mofo. And he looks the part, too.

Fred was the gay brother in Sims 2. I gave him the traits of Coward, Green Thumb, Neat, Party Animal, and Over Emotional. His favorite color is pink. He's basically the gardener and house keeper/cleaner. He does not have a job other than that.

Ked has the traits of Angler, Childish, Commitment Issues, Kleptomanic, and Loves the Outdoors. Just as he was in the Sims 2, he does not act his age. And he loves to go out fishing. No job, just fishing.

Med in a lot of ways is what holds the house from falling apart. His traits are Athletic, Brave, Daredevil, Good, and Handy. He's Mr. Fix-it for the family; something breaks, he fixes it. Then he upgrades it so it never breaks again.

Ned goes by his own path. Traits: Artistic, Insane, Virtuoso, Neurotic, and Perfectionist. For the longest time all he did was play his guitar in the park for tips, talk about conspiracies, and freak out randomly. Now he's on his way to becoming a rock star and a master painter.

Sed dresses like a pimp. In fact, he looks just like my Wasteland Pimp from Fallout 3 (except he's black, as any pimp should be). Now his traits are Ambitious, Charismatic, Lucky, Schmoozer, and Workaholic. He's recently become the Leader of the Free World. He's more-or less the President; top of the political career.

Ted has Clumsy, Couch Potato, Heavy Sleeper, Natural Cook, and Slob. He's well on his way to the top of the culinary career. At home though, all he does is cook for everyone and watch TV.

Zed is a Bookworm, Computer Whiz, Frugal, Loner, and Genius. He's just perfectly happy being up in the middle of the night all alone reading his books or hacking on the computer.

I think my strangest occurrence so far was when my fisherman (Ked) caught a $4,000 laptop computer in the ocean. It still worked. Zed ended up with it.

See the rest of “Consumed by Sims 3”»

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

«What is it With Firemen?»

What exactly is is about firemen that make them such chick-magnets?

Penn Says: Fireman Sex Aid

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Monday, June 8, 2009

«Motivational Monday: A Whale»

Ignore the red checkmark. It's not marked incorrect because a whale is fine too.

A Whale / is fine too

Click image to view full.

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Sunday, June 7, 2009

«Odd Rocket Toy»

Why did they design a toy like that?

Things

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Saturday, June 6, 2009

«Caturday: Wrong Realm o_0»

Hitler cat (on the right) will really fuck you up...

You came to the wrong neighborhood... MOTHERFUCKER
I banish thee from this realm
o_0

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Friday, June 5, 2009

«That Damn Bus»

Here's how the second day into my vacation went (May 8th, 2009). Click an image to view full.

Here's the car my dad and I were in. Surprisingly, the Toyota Prius cars have a lot of room. Yes, it's a hybrid. We got 51 mpg going down, and used a total of 16 gallons of gasoline to get from Prince Rupert in Canada to Junction City in Oregon.
Mint green Toyota Prius with all doors open.
And, on the other extreme of vehicle efficiency and emissions... Going through the Fraser River canyon (still in Canada) we were stuck behind this monstrosity through a long construction zone, so we couldn't pass the damn bus. We could smell this thing miles before we caught up to it, and our car was permeated with that smell even the next day. It was enough to make you sick.
The back end of a very polluting bus.
However, we made it safely to our first stop in Mount Vernon, Washington. Here's the bridge where Interstate 5 crosses the Skagit River.
The bridge where I-5 crosses the Skagit River.

See the rest of “That Damn Bus”»

Thursday, June 4, 2009

«The Sims 3»

I just bought The Sims 3. I don't have much to say about it yet, other than this: holy crap, is there a lot of customization options!

So, I'll see you later...

See the rest of “The Sims 3”»

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

«My Meme Sense is Tingling»

My Meme Sense is tingling.

Alien Man - Thanks for watching so far (TsimFuckis)


He had the YouTube username TsimFuckis. However, after the Internet Hate Machine found him, he has deleted his account and went back into hiding.

Now don't take this the wrong way, I'm not making fun of him because of how he looks. There's some awful birth defects out there, and it's not their fault. However, anyone who acts like a wannabe "gansta" deserves to be ridiculed into the ground.

That's just how it is.

See the rest of “My Meme Sense is Tingling”»

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

«Almost Strip Searched»

The first day of my vacation we got on the Alaska ferry Taku and it left about 1:30 AM on May 7th. Believe me when I say there are other ferries in the Alaska Marine Highway. I just seem to always end up on the Taku without fail. Not that I'm complaining, the Taku is a fine ship.

The ferry was almost completely empty. Our car was placed in the starboard (right) side of the bow. Other than us, there was only a van and a shipping container on the entire starboard side of the ferry. The port (left) side of the ferry had maybe 3 vehicles. I didn't take the camera up with me on the ferry because it was nighttime and my dad and I just found a place to sleep. During the night, we had the entire forward observation lounge to ourselves. I tell you, I've never seen a ferry so empty.

After arriving in Prince Rupert, BC in Canada, we had to go though customs (border inspection). Because the ferry was so empty and the border officers had extra time, they took the last 3 cars out of the line and all but strip searched us.

They went through everything... Ran the drug dog all through our car, leaving dog footprints on our seats and crushed a pastry we had planned for breakfast. They opened every pocket on our luggage, opened every container, and searched every compartment in the car. They questioned my dad about some vitamins they found, and took his cellphone inside momentarily (I assume so they could run the serial number). After they were done with the car they turned to us and wanted to know the contents of our pockets. It took a full hour.

Then right outside Prince Rupert we hit road construction and were delayed further. We had a slow start to our vacation. Click an image to view full.

This is the first picture I took on the vacation. We had stopped at the Basalt Creek Rest Area.
First picture of the vacation.
Another picture at the Basalt Creek Rest Area.
Basalt Creek Rest Area.
This was at another rest area along the Skeena River. You can see the ice and snow still along the riverside. We saw quite a bit of snow in the ditches along the highway.
Still snow along the Skeena River.
More about my vacation and lots more pictures to come in future posts.

See the rest of “Almost Strip Searched”»

Monday, June 1, 2009

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